Why Our Systems Resist Change: The Science of Staying
From the Therapist’s Chair, the first week of January usually comes with a lot of pressure to “change everything.” But by the second week, many of us feel a familiar pull back toward our old habits. Often, we label this as a lack of willpower, but the reality is much more scientific: your body has a biological preference for what is familiar.
In therapy, we look at this through the lens of homeostasis. Your nervous system interprets “familiar” as “safe,” even if that familiar pattern is actually painful or exhausting.
✨ The Science: Why the “Old Way” Feels Better
Your brain is designed to keep you alive, not necessarily to keep you happy. When you try to make a big change, your nervous system often signals a “threat.”
The Autopilot: We spend much of our lives on autopilot because it saves energy. Breaking a habit requires the brain to work harder, which can feel physically and mentally taxing.
The Comfort of the Known: Even a “bad” habit is a known quantity. The brain knows what to expect. New habits, however, are unpredictable, and unpredictability can feel like a lack of safety to your system.
🛋️ In the Therapy Room
I often see a huge sense of relief when people realize that their resistance to change isn’t a personal failure, it’s their biology doing its job.
Scenario 1: A client who wants to start a new morning routine feels an intense “squeeze” of anxiety the moment their alarm goes off. We realize it’s not laziness; it’s their system trying to protect them from the “danger” of a new routine.
Scenario 2: A couple trying to communicate differently finds themselves falling into the same old argument. They learn to recognize that the familiar fight feels “safer” than the vulnerability of trying a new way of speaking.
✨ A Simple Way to Practice “Staying.”
Instead of fighting the resistance, we practice Interoception: simply noticing the physical sensations in the body.
Notice the Squeeze: When you feel the urge to go back to an old habit, stop for 10 seconds. Notice where you feel it. Is it a tightness in your chest? A fluttering in your stomach?
Acknowledge the Protection: Remind yourself: “My system is trying to keep me safe by sticking to what it knows.”
Take One Small Step: Don’t try to change the whole day. Just focus on staying present for one more minute before making a choice.
Building nervous system resilience isn’t about forcing change; it’s about creating enough internal safety that your body eventually feels okay with “staying” in the new pattern.
📣 Prepared for Action?
If you’re feeling the pull back to old patterns, remember that your system is just trying to look out for you. If you’re ready to explore how to build lasting, sustainable change in person in the Junction neighbourhood or virtually across Canada, let’s connect.
⚖️ Disclaimer: This post is for educational purposes and is not therapy. Learn more at interocare.ca
