The Unseen Work That Shapes Our Relationships
🌱 This post is part of our October series exploring the inner workings of relationships — how therapy can help us shift the patterns we live inside.
🧠 Why This Matters
You know the feeling, remembering your partner’s dental appointment, your child’s shifting moods, your roommate’s dietary preferences, and the mental list of things no one else seems to track. And still wondering, “Why am I so tired?”
That’s invisible labour. And it’s exhausting.
Invisible labour refers to the emotional, cognitive, and logistical work required to maintain relationships and households. Most of it unacknowledged, unshared, or expected without question.
This includes:
Anticipating others’ needs 🛒
Managing emotional tone 😬
Making countless micro-decisions 🧠
Being the “glue” that holds it all together 🩹
Over time, it adds up. And when it goes unnamed, it often turns into something more corrosive: resentment.
📌 What Signals the Need for Family or Couples Therapy?
You might benefit from a therapeutic space if:
You feel chronically unappreciated or unseen
You often think “I do everything around here”
Conflicts arise over what feels like small things
There’s a persistent sense of imbalance in effort or care
Invisible labour becomes especially loud during life transitions (new baby, moving, job change), or when one person’s unspoken role becomes unsustainable.
🔍 What to Bring Into the Therapy Room
If you’re preparing for couples or family therapy, consider:
What roles do I play (planner, peacekeeper, fixer)?
Where did I learn those roles? Are they familiar from childhood?
What do I assume others “should” know or do — and why?
What am I afraid might happen if I don’t do this work?
🛋️ Tend to it in Therapy
Therapists can help you and your loved ones:
Name the invisible labour you’ve been doing
Acknowledge grief, frustration, or identity loss tied to that role
Clarify what’s negotiable, and what isn’t
Co-create new agreements that feel equitable
It’s not about dividing things 50/50. It’s about noticing the weight each person carries, and finding ways to redistribute what feels heavy.
✨ Somatic Check-In: How Heavy Is This Role?
Take a quiet moment. Ask yourself:
What’s the role I play in my relationships?
Where do I feel that in my body right now?
What does it need? relief? acknowledgement? release?
What would happen if I didn’t take that on today?
Let your body speak, not just your thoughts.
📣 Prepared for Action?
Start a conversation this week about something you usually carry quietly. It might sound like:
“I realized I always handle (fill in the blank)___. Can we talk about that?”
“When I plan everything, I feel (fill in the blank)___. Could we try sharing it?”
“What’s one thing we could shift this month to make things feel fairer?”
📍 Looking for support navigating invisible labour or resentment?
Book a session or explore who we are at interocare.ca
