The Unseen Work That Shapes Our Relationships
You know the feeling, remembering your partner’s dental appointment, your child’s shifting moods, your roommate’s dietary preferences, and the mental list of things no one else seems to track. And still wondering, “Why am I so tired?”
That’s invisible labour. And it’s exhausting.
What Are You Carrying That Wasn’t Yours?
This week’s Tend to it Tuesday opened up a conversation many people feel in their bones, even if they don’t always have the words for it:
How am I still shaped by the emotional roles I inherited, even decades later?
As a therapist, I often sit with clients in that quiet, painful realization:
“I was the kid who had to stay calm so everyone else could fall apart.”
“I didn’t get to be angry, so now I don’t know how to express it.”
“I still feel like I’m failing if I’m not helping someone else.”
And sometimes:
“I became the parent I swore I wouldn’t be.”
Inherited Patterns, Invisible Roles
We inherit more than eye colour or traditions from our families.
We inherit unspoken rules, emotional roles, and nervous system cues.
The “fixer,” the “quiet one,” the “strong one,” the “troublemaker.”
Sometimes those roles were assigned without words.
Sometimes they were survival strategies.