From the Therapist’s Chair: Unpacking the Systems We Live In
This week, our Tend to it Tuesday explored how family systems and attachment theory shape the way we show up in relationships. Today, I want to reflect on how these ideas show up in the therapy room — and in the therapist’s chair.
🧠 The Roles We Carry — Even in Therapy
As therapists, we’re trained to notice roles in our clients: the helper, the fixer, the avoider, the explainer.
But these roles don’t disappear when we become clinicians. In fact, many of us were drawn to this work because of the roles we learned to play early on.
You might recognize this in yourself, especially if you:
Tend to overfunction in relationships
Struggle to set boundaries with clients or coworkers
Feel a deep responsibility to “make it better” for everyone
These aren’t flaws. They’re relational strategies, ones that once served you well. But they might not serve you (or your clients) now.
🛋️ In the Therapy Room
I often sit with clients who feel stuck in family patterns that repeat in romantic or workplace dynamics. Sometimes, they’ve done years of therapy and still say:
“I know where this comes from… but I can’t stop doing it.”
This is where family systems theory and somatic work come together beautifully.
We don’t just talk about the pattern, we feel where it lives in the body.
And when we can feel the role, we can begin to choose something different.
✨ A Self-Reflection Practice for Therapists & Healers
Before your next session or group:
Take 1–2 minutes to check in: “What role do I feel myself stepping into today?”
Notice how that role feels in your body: Tight chest? Jaw tension? Drooping shoulders?
Ask gently: “Is this role needed here, or is it just familiar?”
Offer gratitude to the part of you that learned it.
These moments of awareness soften the grip of old roles and help us show up with presence, not performance.
📣 Prepared for Action?
Whether you're a therapist, caregiver, or someone doing the deep work of breaking relational cycles, you deserve support.
Let’s explore the roles you’re ready to shift.
