Staying Flexible While Staying Connected
🪑 Therapist Reflections
There’s a subtle, but powerful shift that happens in therapy rooms when people realize:
“I don’t have to do all the work alone but I do have to do my part differently.”
As a therapist, I often witness this in family or couples work. There’s a moment when someone softens, not because they’ve been convinced or coerced, but because their body stops bracing. A breath releases. The shoulders drop. The eyes come forward again.
That’s the body signalling readiness for connection. That’s what relational flexibility feels like.
This week’s Tend to it Tuesday post focused on how self-work happens in relationships, especially in sessions. Today, I want to share what it’s like from my perspective.
🛋️ What I Notice in Sessions
When clients begin to feel safer, more supported, and more seen, a few things shift:
The conversation slows down, not because people don’t care, but because they’re really listening.
Defensiveness gets replaced with curiosity: “I wonder why I reacted that way?”
People begin to acknowledge their own patterns without shame, and without making themselves the villain or the victim.
But it’s not just what they say. It’s how their bodies respond.
Somatic cues I pay attention to:
Reaching toward a partner, or sitting closer after conflict
Sighs, tears, or laughter that release tension
The moment someone places a hand on their heart or belly and says, “I didn’t know I needed that.”
These moments don’t require perfect communication. They require presence. And presence isn’t just a mindset, it’s a nervous system state.
✨ Somatic Practice for Couples & Families
Here’s a practice I sometimes use with clients who are working on flexibility in close relationships:
Name the Pattern
Each person names one thing they notice in themselves when things get hard (e.g., “I shut down,” “I raise my voice,” “I go into fixing mode”).Body Check-In
Ask: “Where do I feel that reaction in my body?” (e.g., jaw, chest, fists, back of neck)Offer Space
Invite a few soft breaths. Imagine softening around the sensation, not trying to make it go away.Ask Together
Each person can ask:“What might this part of me need right now?”
“What’s one thing I can try next time, just a 10% shift?”
This is how co-regulation begins: when each person takes responsibility for their own body and offers that regulated presence to the other.
📣 Prepared for Action?
Couples and family therapy isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being present enough to notice the old patterns and flexible enough to try something new.
