From the Therapist’s Chair: The Difference Between Solitude and Loneliness
In the middle of a cold Canadian winter, we spend a lot of time indoors and, often, a lot of time alone. In my practice, I frequently hear people struggle to figure out if they are enjoying their own company or if they are slipping into a state of loneliness.
While they can feel similar on the surface, solitude and loneliness are two very different states for your nervous system. Understanding the difference is key to knowing what kind of support you actually need.
✨ The Physical Difference
Your body holds the clues to your current state. When we pay attention to our internal physical cues (interoception), we can tell them apart:
Solitude feels like a "full" quiet. It is a chosen state where your nervous system feels safe and settled. Physically, you might notice your breath is slow, your muscles are relaxed, and there is a sense of peace in being exactly where you are. Solitude is restorative.
Loneliness feels like a "hollow" quiet. It is often an unchosen state that your nervous system interprets as a lack of safety or a threat to your "attachment" (your need for others). Physically, this might feel like a heavy ache in the chest, a restless energy in your limbs, or a persistent "cold" feeling even when the heat is on.
🛋️ Real Life Examples
Recognizing these states allows you to respond with what you actually need:
Example 1: If you realize you are in solitude, you can lean into it. You might decide to turn off your phone and enjoy the quiet of your home, knowing this time is recharging your battery.
Example 2: If you realize you are in loneliness, "pushing through" with more solo time might make it worse. Instead, you might reach out for a low-pressure connection by texting a friend or simply going for a walk where you can see other people in your neighbourhood.
✨ The Takeaway
Solitude feeds you; loneliness drains you. By staying curious about how your body feels when you’re alone, you can learn to move toward the type of connection—or the type of rest—that truly helps you feel whole.
📣 Prepared for Action?
Finding the balance between being alone and being connected is a skill. If you’re struggling with the weight of loneliness this winter, or if you want to learn how to make your solo time feel more restorative, I’m here to help you navigate those physical cues.
⚖️ Disclaimer: This post is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional therapy. Learn more at interocare.ca
