Inherited Patterns, Invisible Roles
We inherit more than eye colour or traditions from our families.
We inherit unspoken rules, emotional roles, and nervous system cues.
The “fixer,” the “quiet one,” the “strong one,” the “troublemaker.”
Sometimes those roles were assigned without words.
Sometimes they were survival strategies.
Staying Flexible While Staying Connected
There’s a subtle, but powerful shift that happens in therapy rooms when people realize:
“I don’t have to do all the work alone — but I do have to do my part differently.”
As a therapist, I often witness this in family or couples work. There’s a moment when someone softens — not because they’ve been convinced or coerced — but because their body stops bracing. A breath releases. The shoulders drop. The eyes come forward again.
Self-Work While in Relationship
When we talk about self-work, it can sound like something done alone, in your own head, on your own time.
But in couples and family therapy, self-work is often relational. It happens with the other person in the room. They become a mirror, a trigger, a teacher, and a co-regulator.
This week, we explore how relational self-awareness: the ability to notice, name, and shift your patterns while staying in connection, is often the most transformative work of all.
From the Therapist’s Chair: Unpacking the Systems We Live In
As therapists, we’re trained to notice roles in our clients: the helper, the fixer, the avoider, the explainer.
But these roles don’t disappear when we become clinicians. In fact, many of us were drawn to this work because of the roles we learned to play early on.
How Relationships Shape Us and We Shape Them.
This week, we’re exploring family systems theory and attachment science to better understand the emotional patterns we carry into adulthood. Often, what feels like “just the way I am” is actually “how I learned to be” in relationship to others.
From the Therapist’s Chair: What Couples & Family Therapy Can (and Can’t) Do
Not all family therapy looks the same. And no one arrives at the process without a story, sometimes many stories. Some come in already clear on what hurts. Others arrive hoping I can somehow fix someone else in the room.
But here’s the thing I always try to hold:
Therapy is a process, not a magic wand. It’s a space to explore, witness, and sometimes renegotiate the patterns we carry in our relationships.
What Therapy Can (and Can’t) Do for Families & Couples
If you’ve ever wondered:
“Would family therapy help, or just make it worse?”
“Is couples therapy only for people on the brink?”
“Can therapy actually help our dynamic?”
You’re not alone. These are common and valid questions.
Let’s start this month by grounding ourselves in what couples and family therapy can (and can’t) actually do.
Working with Emotion Waves in the Therapy Room
This week’s Tend to it Tuesday post explored how somatic therapy and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) pair beautifully to support emotional regulation — not through suppression, but by staying with the wave.
As a therapist, I see this integration play out in real time: when clients realize they don’t have to "get rid of" an emotion to feel better — they just have to stay present with it, safely.
Emotion is a Wave — Not a Problem
This September, we’ve been exploring how somatic therapy complements talk-based models. We’ve touched on Internal Family Systems, CBT, and DBT. Today, we close out the series with a focus on Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and the way the body helps us ride emotional waves without getting swept away.
Using Somatic Therapy to Support DBT in the Therapy Room
DBT offers powerful, life-changing skills — mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness — but for many clients, there’s a catch:
“I know the skill… but I can’t use it when I need it most.”
As a therapist, I’ve heard this again and again. And I believe them. Not because the skill isn’t effective — but because the nervous system needs to feel safe enough to use it.